Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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