she looked like the before picture.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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