Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your cock deserves a montage
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
