She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
