Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize
