Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
