I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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