census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
