if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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