So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
