Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
