Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
