You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Damn victory sex feels great
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
