i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
