All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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