I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
