I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
