Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
