lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
