I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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