then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize