I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
