Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
be right there i have to get my cape
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
