Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
