It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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