i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
