I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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