I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
