There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
