So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
