On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
