Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
