the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
