All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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