alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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