Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
