and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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