Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
