i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
