woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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