ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I AM VODKA MAN
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
