i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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