Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
