i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
