Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
