seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
