So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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