wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
