So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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