I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
