If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
soo... how was my night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
