you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
