And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
