I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
