I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
