you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
