I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
