worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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