Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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