Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
