idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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