Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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