nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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