The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
