you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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