legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
