shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
