I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
