Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
cat food counts as protein by the way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
