Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will pee on everything he values.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
