if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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