so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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