I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
